Wednesday, August 27, 2008

holding into my last lifeline

today is my last day at work, and two days from now is our pay day! yehey!! you can say that i should be rejoicing right now because its only about two days. but unfortunately enough, i don't have the zeal to even come tonight because i don't have any money anymore, what is left right now is a 20 peso bill that i did not spend to make sure i can go home today without walking. im holding to this lifeline. its as if my 20 pesos is my lifeline. how will i survive tomorow and the day after that? i don't know if the people in the house have extra money to lend me some for im sure they're also tying their selves on crucial budgeting.



i don't know where i can borrow money from. i have asked alot of people already on the floor but everybody is having the same problem. i was not lucky enough to catch my supervisor before she went out. i could have lend me money juts for tonight.


i know that you can really agree on this that money is aleady a antique predicament we hear from people. i myself has experienced countless scenarous dealing with a thing-value. blame it to the man who invented the monetary system! we shouldn't be suffering from the deprivation of enjoying life without money. we shouldn't be feeling helpless without money in our pockets. we will not see the equivalent of a certain currency to another currency. and most of all we can still do barter change like bastering a spoon in lieu of paying your jeepney fare. life would not be such a complication if money is not a big thing to have without. people work to have money, people need money to eat and money makes people's lives convenient. in short money is everything. nobody can get away with it. we all don't have a choice but struggle to have money.

and now that i don't have the money to sustain me for two days, to whom will i run to? hope i can find a merciful being good enough to share his blessings. but i doubt, i mean who does not have problems right with money? everbody is outsmarted by it making poeple need them more than they need people to have them.

ooops, im dizzy have not eaten lunch yet. if i have powers, i will delete "money" from the pool of knowledge so that, if i don't have money to buy food i can just exchange can bread with a comb!!! hehehehe..

Monday, August 25, 2008

i cannot take the pressure


i feel like an idiot pressuring myself to make a blog at least once every week. but i've got my hands tied up with other stuffs so that made me so busy to even check my blogs and my other sites. i am going back to school, and take note for the past two weeks im having all my reports done and all my midterm exams taking place. it was a dreadful week and most of my time was spent if not work, sleep if not sleep facing the pc at ironics doing my report on geologic time and researching my take home midterm exam. i was so exhausted.

and now its my first day of the week at work, i landed with 43.78% last week on my stats so my supervisor jabbered me to work on my stats today. i tried my best and somehow got frustrated because i wasn't really making good calls. and now on top of that, i am thinking to really stop by at the pantry before i get off from the building to make a silly story about my life. it has been two weeks that i was not able to make a blog and as promised i should make at least one per week. im apparently, delayed for two weeks already. and so here i am. whoahh!!!!! i cannot take the pressure!!!! damned this ambitious self-claimed not-so-qualified writer!!
but everybody has the right to express oneself right? who cares if im using my blog as a way of expressing my sentiments and all the colorful ideas in my mind that's worth sharing. but whose fault is it? yeah know that its my will to write every week or not but i'd like to defend myself also as to why i'm doing this. i am doing this to make myself able to budget and manage my time and to cope up with all pressure from all sides.



i have written much already, i'd like to emphasized im not complaining at all. im just exercising my freedom of literally showing how idiot am i to put all the pressure on myself when all i can do is forget this blog. but like i said it has a purpose, though its not organize just as my thoughts are but im proud that i have lived the standards i have set for myself.

Friday, August 8, 2008

a view on self-interest

The identity of a person is determined through a lot of factors. As a social and rational being our behavior is greatly affected by the genes that we inherited from our ancestors and our surroundings. And as we learned to socialize with other people we acquire new traits and behavior both positive and negative. And getting the character into our system is either unintentional or intentional. It is unintentional in the sense that the person is forced to act that way because of some certain reasons. Thus, we cannot escape from showing our character or behavior in most situations. We have created a value for ourselves it might peculiar to some, and amazing for the many yet it's still depend on us on how we are going to use these values to our advantage. One of the most common Filipino values is "Self-interest". For me it is like a double-edge sword, it is so sharp that it can cut anything but if your not expert enough to use it, it can cut you in one slash. For years, this has become the source of corruption that continuously deteriorate man's philosophy. However, we might wanna consider why people have self-interest to begin with. What does it do good to them? And what makes it bad for them? First let us define "self-interest", it is regard for one's own interest or advantage, with disregard for others. It is undoubtedly good when self-interest is used to achieve something within our means. It is significantly bad if used beyond the walls of our morality and conscience. In a student's perspective it will make you become a competitive student in a negative way. He prefers to become selfish just to be on the top up to the point of bribing the teacher. Self -interest makes the student fame, it makes his friends admire him yet unknowingly he will be an honorable dishonor that is being on the top but unqualified. Many times even in elementary years, the children are already exposed to this scandalous agenda. So when they grow up they will carry the value wherever they will be and in whatever they do. Like for instance in an office, self interest can lead into corruption when your target is not achievable within the period of time that you set for yourself. There are a lot of employees aiming for one position, and to get that he/ she indulge himself/herself to moral perversion.

Self interest is common in people who desire to have a better life. I mean, who would not want to live a life of convenience? When does it become a negative factor? As self-interest intensifies, a person is no longer in control of oneself and thus, will be corrupted by its own ambition and desire to become great. He is oblivious of how he affected the people around him. When criticisms arrive,he will be in denial because he is too blind to accept what he have committed. And even if he is aware, he will still find ways to protect his interest up to his last stance. Thus, his interest will also be the reason of his downfall. One fact, many unscrupulous politicians who are happy to sell their names to be voted are under investigation and are impeached if proven guilty. What drives people to let self -interest to be the root of all corruptions? Everything associated with self-interest and corruption boils down to power, money and everything of their advantage. There are lots of reason why people still did it, but i will only emphasize three things. One is poverty. I think it's very obvious. People allow themselves to be used and overpowered by interest to survive poverty. Why? No further explanations,they need to. Next is power. People never find contentment and will always seek more to be above others. Because if you have the power you have the ability of controlling people. And last is money, it is the most significant aspect that drives people to let self-interest controlled them. Let's face it, it makes the world go round without it, life is like living without a lifeline. So we are left without a choice. How can we defeat the urge of submitting ourselves to our own "self-interest"? Do we always close our eyes in order for us not to see the truth? If people are only contented with what they have, satisfied with what they can achieve, and happy with how life blessed them, self-interest would no way be more powerful than ourselves. Live a frugal life. And as as a Christian, we should live our lives in accordance with God's plans and that is to follow his teachings and his commandments. By any chance, do we happen to realize that self-interest is not at all one of them?

Sunday, August 3, 2008

an addict in my representaion

a bout a week and a half ago, i was so bored and so disperate to force myself to sleep. the temperature is too high and all my sweat were pouring like spring out of my body. i got up and grab my guitar. i strum, then i created a cycle of chords. then i keep on humming as my left fingers shifted from one chords to another. it was so unexpected of me to think of a song that voices out the feeling of an someone disowned by the people's contructed norms.

within an hour, the song was already completed. i wrote it in tagalog because using the vernacular or the language of our own would make me feel the meaning of the song and if people listen to it, they would feel the veracity of the message it transpires.

i hope one of these days, i will have a video in you tube. and here it goes:


Biglang nagising
Sa mundo ng Patalim
Nakapikit, nangangapa
Ninais na mahanap
Ang liwanag na kay ilap
Kailan kaya, makikita
Ako'y pagod na
Buhay walang kwenta
Gusto kung magbago ngunit paano
Hinanap kita,
Inay nasaan ka?
'Kaw na gagabay
S'yang wala pa


C1:

Gusto kung tumakbo
Ngunit hinihigop
Pabalik sa buhay
Na usok ang kalaro
Naghanap ng kakampi
Hindi makaintindi
Kung sinong kailangan
Wala naman


Ako'y humiling
Na sana'y mahalin
Ako'y may puso
At damdamin
Kahit nawawala
Kami'y humihinga
Tingin sa 'mi'y hangal
Pero kami banal
Ayokong mamatay
Na kinamumuhian
Yapak ko'y 'wag susundan
'Do tutularan


C2:
Gusto kung lumayo
Sa buhay na kay gulo
Takas doon, taks dito
Parang isanf pusa
Hindi mamatay-matay
Ganyan talaga
Ang masamang damo


Coda:
Mga kabataan
'Wag magpakalulong
Ang minsanang tikiman
"Di mapigilan
"Wag kayong maawa
Sa isang pariwara
Hanap ko'y
Kalinga at pang-unawa..