who's to blame?

This young girl is surrounded by trash at the dump site named Smokey Mountain in Manila, Philippines. At a very young age, she has tasted the cruel reality of life. Everyday, her family collects recyclable materials for a living.


This depect the man's unequal sharing of opportunities, power and wealth. Accepting it as a fact, however, SHOULDN'T THIS LITTLE GIRL BE AT SCHOOL INSTEAD?


WHO'S TO BLAME?
IS IT THE GOVERNMENT? THE PEOPLE? IF NOT THEN WHO?

save me from the nothing i've become

i've been pretending all along to the people who believe that i'm the strongest person that they can lean on. best actress is what i can call myself in this kind of art. since i was a kid, i already have plans of becoming someone great, someone that my family can be proud of. it's not that hard to live in that kind of ideology in the beginning. my parents see me as a responsible daughter, strong, and ambitious. i grew up, with a lot of people looking up on me.

the culprit of my very monotonous life started when i finished college such an ironic even in my life coz seldom you would know that a licensed teacher would eventually have a career crisis after all the years that she has spent studying. perhaps one in a million! i thought since i was a kid i am already sure what field of endeavor will i be having. but, fate played its role. im like a a ship without a compass lost in the middle of nowhere.

 

 

there were times that i feel im being choked with all the things in my mind. wanting to break my sanity. a lot of times that i just cried on my knees and came out after with a fake smile glued in my face. my life is a plastic. most often than not, percieved that i am a happy person. laughing my heart out on an even corny jokes, make somebody laugh even in my saddest moment, or even make myself a fool. all pretensions! despite the happy pictures in my life i am a miserable cold monster. because of the many hidrances along my way, i have made myself a rock. in love and in friendship, i have given my all. inevetably, they just left me misunderstood, if not discriminated. i don't know i did survive the unbearable pain. i was hurt to death. the experience taught me, and learned how to kill my prey. i become ruthless and heartless, "cold". i thought i was happy, but it made me feel empty.

"yes! im strong!! yet im a loser! i can't accpet the fact that pitied myself, but im sour graping!. i laugh, yet im depressed. i breathe yet im lifeless!"

i was so desperate to revive myself. i searched, i waited, and waited, and waited and waited. but nobody came. im lost, im alone, im cold, i need care, i need love but nobody wants me. still, i'll wait. till when?

God wanted me to be, not what i wanted to be...

this has been a problem to me from the time that i asked myself about what will i wanna be in the future. i thought in the beginning that im already mature enough. but things did not went through as what i had expected. i took up a bachelor's degree in education majoring physics and chemistry, you might wanna asked why i chose this? since i did not grow up in a well-off family i need to look for a scholarship program to support my studies. though, teaching is not my passion it's far more better than not having any course at all. after i graduated from college, i worked as a call center agent. i received all the compensations, benefits and incentive i deserved and much even more helped my parents pay their debts. yet, i am still not happy with my life. I got bored and burnt out. i decided to resign thinking to teach after a year of letting what i had learned in college, deteriorate. de spite of the decision i have, teaching still doesn't look appealing to me. and as what u can expect in changeable mind, i did not apply for any teaching jobs but instead decided to study psychology...

though i am not really a top perfomer in the company my supervisor and my manager negotiate with me.. and since i have already decided to go back to school i grab the opportunity to work while i study.. yesterday, i went to my alma mater and checked for some informations regarding the course that im planning to take up. i checked the syllabus and find out that i still have to take up 36 subjects. i computed it and it some up to four years since i will be working, it,s not a good option coz time is one of my considerations. if i can't make it within 2 years, i'd rather take up a masters degree related to what i have graduated and the helpdesk informed me that a certain Father Perudial has to evaluate my credentials and it will takes a lot of processes after that. in my dismay, i went home with blank mind.

just this moring, i thought of checking other schools.i went to my sister's alma mater. i was given with a syllabus. the thing that caught my attention was this particular course in bold letters" masters of art in education in science education.. they helpdesk told me that it need not have an experience as long as you passed the entance exam. imagining a future scenario, i have noticed that there is another related course that really made me think. it said: masters of arts in teaching in sciences.. these are two related courses but i'm confused what differs them both?

i went out of the building after getting all the informations i needed. and i breathe in, and i feel relieved..then a realization came out of nowhere; my subconscious spoke to me and it said, God really wanted me to become a teacher. coz no matter how i tried to go farther from this profession the more the option of becoming a teacher left for me. it's like i don't have a choice coz this where i belong. though i still have to find out the difference between the two, i can imagine a tranquil mind. atleast i already have a direction regardless which of these two will i consider.

then, i smiled.. i answered back, well if you really want me to be a teacher then i will pass the entrance exam and so be it.. AMEN...

boring story......

it was not a starry night when i went out of the house going to our office. tired of using the same black korean shoes, so i picked up a striped red mario de' boro. It's 2 inches thick and 6 inches in size. it looked nice on my feet. i matched it with a pair of jeans and a v-neck cotton blouse with red stripes in the front. it was 10: 40 manila standard time and there i was very ready for work. since luxuriousity (if there such a word, that i don't know) has not blessed me with a car, my means of transportation is a single motorcycle, called habal-habal. you just have to tell the driver your destinaion. i arrived at the office in less than 20 minutes, i grab my wallet from my striped savvy bag and gave the driver a 20-peso bill. it was so funny to think of that i'm wearing stripes for the night. my shoes, my blouse and my bag are all in "ternos".

i went inside the premise of the building. i want everybody to have a good empression on me so i walked in the hall way with a smile and sway my hips and my arms like a model (just my imagination). well, ofcourse nobody not iced my outfit for that night and mocking me is totally different than what i have expected. i sat down on my station and opened my computer. i tried to recall what am gonna be working on today, i pushed myself too hard yet i can't think of any. i am already wearing stripes and my brain seemed in black and white stripes like the grey and brown striped carpet on the floor.

my log-in has not yet been fixed for 3 weeks already, and im bored to death. if not doing some floor walks or task to man the call monitoring system (cms) i'll be dead due to mouth poisoning. i'd heard that, if a people could not talk for atleast an hour you'll have bath breath because of non-production of saliva. saliva consists antibodies that will fight against organisms like bacteria that is harmful for human. (wheehw!! heheh!!)

after few hours, my supervisor asked me to come with him outside, strolling, it was so awkward because he was very serious talking things that i should consider.the effectivity of my resignation is near, may 28. he has given me options not to resign. and they are very much appealing to me for that fact that it's pratical and worth trying. since i have already decided to go back to school this coming semisterm, he told me that we can just adjust the my schedules. however i also told him that, if ever i could not survive due to the demand of the work and the demands of the course i will resign immidiately.. and the deal was made.. well, anyway who would not want to have an extra income while you study?

well so much for that... so let's keep the ball rolling.. in the middle of the shift, i was called because our manager was giving us a free lunch meal yehey!!! my 50-peso luch budget will be spared!! my night is not really bad after all.. the stripes in terno turned out to be a lucky charm for the night...

an now as i write this page, its already 6: 28 pm central american standard time. in aproximately 30 mins i'll be out by then. my day is not that really rpoductive. well, not really useless cause, i was able to make a story for the day